fatigue and reflection

Yesterday was honestly and utterly exhausting. I received so much love and true friendship was displayed in so many ways, its hard to come to terms with. But as a result, I am so physically and emotionally drained, and I feel like have nothing left in me to give or push towards anything positive.
My birthday got off to a bad start. Tears streaming down my face and anger running red-hot through me, I fumed at my parents. But not so long after, I ran into the arms of my mum, for some true and pure affection and devotion.
After much (and I really mean much) anguish about the decision whether or not I could handle going out for a meal, I decided to give it a shot. It had been months, and it was one of the things we really used to enjoy as a family, and it was a tradition on birthdays anyhow. So I cleaned myself up so to speak, and we went to a fairly new, quality food, cafe, packed with wholesome grains, free-range eggs, granola, banana breads, and spiced-up apple muffins.
I was literally shaking as I ordered my granola with berry puree, poached fruit and honey yoghurt. But when it arrived, I looked at it, and began. It took time, but I got there. The result? Well I guess I was proud I'd managed to sort of take the first step in the right direction, but for the rest of the day, I was left with the guilt of thinking about the granola-infused calories that were now lingering in my body.
However, after taking a walk around and cruising parts of the city, I arrived back home to flowers, gifts, cards and genuine affection.
Throughout the day, many people had clearly gone out of there way to drop past, unsure of whether I would be up to seeing them or not. I wasn't around to see most of them, but two people in particular touched my heart.
My mood swung constantly from high to low, and was probably hard to deal with. Mostly, my day was like any other really, except from the constant flow of contact and good wishes I received.
Dinner was uninteresting and very challenging to deal with, but again - I managed.
But today, I am so tired, and I'm feeling pretty undriven and emotionless. I am dreading tomorrow as I think some additions to my plan are going to be made, not in the way I want them. I feel like curling up in a ball and hiding myself from the rare, winter sun trying to burst its way through my windows, and only coming out when they world will accept me how I am now.
I hoped the struggle would be over, or I would feel more free, another year older. But somehow, I don't think that is quite going to happen. Not right now, or without a lot of hard work anyway. I hope tomorrow is a better day.