an ode

How's the Weather?

My common answer to questions
Revolves around one theme
Of how the weather's been stopping me
From ever being seen

But truth be told, it's just an excuse
For when the weather's bad, I'm forgiven
For wanting to curl up in a ball
Where I'll be forever hidden

When shivering out on a winter's day
I just want to be home
Within the safety of my four walls
Where I can breathe, alone

The bone has made a comeback
Now visible and raised solid
My fingers run across it's bumps
Not realising that it's horrid

A sense of achievement, success and relief
Is brought about through this finding
But leads me only back into darkness
A continuous path unwinding

I treasure the rock, the hard, the cold
Like a nugget recently found
And live in fear, completely
Of the day that I'll be round

Up and down, in circles I go
Not knowing where to retreat
The words of others tell me
That this shit can be beat

But the strength has to arise within
Not someone else's head
And as the days pass slowly
The more I come to dread

The times a day I am to face
An ever growing feast
Only to be punished so forth
By the overwhelming beast

Fragile in the gusty wind
Chilly in the sun
The seasons and the weather change
But the fight's only just begun

Destiny is isolation
Focus failing, pain
Times are getting harder
To keep me staying sane

I want to be alone again
I cannot face the day
Not wanting to be the pinnacle
Of anothers' pray

Discovering what is wanted
May not be a pleasant sight
For it may differ from what is needed
And can be defeated with only might

Irritation, anger, fear
I live in all of them
They creep inside, unwelcome
With nothing to defend

I cannot concentrate, nor think, or speak
Of common sense, of just
As a demon has sealed up my mouth
And mind, and nailed it shut

Mornings come and evenings go
They're all the same in ways
That I obsess and track and follow
The intake of the days

Rebellion is a lost cause now
Defeat is set in place
To rip me up, near future
Has been directed at my case

I want that strength, I want that heat
That warmth inside my head
To no more stress or toss and turn
And lie awake in bed

But days turn over, clocks tick on
And time will pass me by
Where I grow weaker and fall again
No longer aiming high

The power gets unbearable
No matter left to force
The devil has just won again
Allowed to play it's course

So next time you ask me a question
You know what my answer will be
The weather's a distraction
From truly seeing me

So, how shit's the weather now?