seasons

As winter draws to a close, I now will not step a foot outside until a new season, spring has sprung.
I will miss the last of the pitter-patter on the rooftop, as here you cannot hear it fall.
I'll miss rugging up in a jumper, jacket and coat for the final days of the season.
And I am going to miss out of two very important events within the next ten days which shatters me to the bone.
But here I will gain stability of some sort or another.
And that should be worth most, above all.

However, I am honestly feeling out of place and unworthy.
I'm confused about my situation and experiences as I've not been offered genuine explanations or reasoning for my holding.
People decide that I do not need to be told, it is not worth it, or that I am too ill to understand or comprehend what is going on.
So basically, I feel lost.

Once again, back in that limbo state.
Influences are had to resist and it is hard to block out trails of negativity coming my way. Being told today that I am seriously at great risk of dying, came insensitivity and just as a fact of life.
How can that be?

What has once again led me to this state, and what got me here in the first place?

Life is mysterious and honest and true. Life is hard. This is something that I am already aware of. But I need people to start telling me the good parts about this journey, and to stop putting harmful thoughts and ideas in front of me to process and ponder, and to start being positive for me as a person, not just for my health.

Does that make sense?

Progression, regression ... day's come and go.
Seasons change and time passes slow.
Missing life in once sense means literally gaining it in another.
But when does this viscous cycle choose to close?